Irrefutable evidence found at rural NSW book fair: flying saucers exist!

There was a time when I really did love books – loved the sight and smell and feel of them…Nothing pleased me quite so much as to buy a job lot of them for a shilling at a country auction. There is a peculiar flavour about the battered unexpected books you pick up in that kind of collection…For casual reading – in your bath, for instance, or late at night when you are too tired to go to bed, or in the odd quarter of an hour before lunch – there is nothing to touch a back number of the Girls Own Paper.

George Orwell Bookshop Memories

There were many Girls (and Boys) Own books and the like at this years Taree Rotary Club Easter Book Fair, but I cast them aside in favour of this,


an eerily prescient publication from 1968 which showcases what the discerning and tasteful new home owner might make of one of Melbourne or Sydney’s dilapidated old terraces houses.


Like many of my favourite things it is simultaneously hilarious and depressing, as opposed to this


 which is just hilarious.


While admittedly I haven’t read any of it yet (but I might do in a little while, in the bath), I am particularly intrigued by the heading of this chapter. I can only assume that the author proves once and for all that policemen are from outer-space. Why haven’t we heard about this before? Obviously this book has been suppressed due to the many true things it reveals. Which is why the only place I’ve ever seen it is at the 2009 Taree Rotary Club Easter Book Fair.


And how do I know it tells the truth? Because there’s photographic evidence, dammit.


Irrefutable photographic evidence. Not of outer-space policemen, but of UFOs, at least. And some of the photographs were taken by a man claiming to be a doctor, which of course lends them even greater authenticity.

 ufo 3

As you’re probably aware, UFOs travel along power lines and interfer with the electrical supply that enters our houses. Principally they do this through the television, kettle and toaster. In this manner they are able to control your mind, your tea and your toast, and through them all other aspects of human society.


They also like landing in fields, in this case in Queensland, though there’s evidence of this happening all around the world. As Bill Bailey has pointed out, one way to solve the mystery of crop circles would be to create wheat that has the properties of Velcro, although that would mean that the spaceships would have to have the corresponding Velcro, which is a bit of a long shot.


The book also contains a helpful identification chart, just in case you spot a flying saucer that is disconcertingly non-saucer shaped: the tricky buggers! As you can see, UFOs come in many varieties and may appear as spades, baseball bats, the sun, the moon, rotary blades, NASA rockets, pills, beanies and a whole array of worryingly familiar shapes!


So be vigilant, stay alert! The truth, or something approximating it, is out there.

Other worlds

At work a girl was telling me that arches were first made by cutting wooden wheels in half. Archaeologists have found the remains of old arches with holes in the stone work where wooden spokes would have sat. This is the cover of a book I am making called The Lost Rivers of London, a reconstruction of an old street atlas. Tim also assures me, from his current investigations into local history, that there are many lost rivers in Sydney, and that the Alexandra Canal is so poisoned that even the harmful bacteria usually associated with polluted waterways can’t survive in it.